Wild wife

Uh-huh.

But you're not dating the other guy?

No!

That's not true!

Well, okay, but you are a hater, Mom.

There was a little hobbit who lived in the forest.

And even though she was short and fat and hairy,

this little hobbit dreamed that one day she could be pretty like Beyoncé.

And then one day, along came a magic power called photofocus.

And just like that, the little hobbit was beautiful.

And even though she still couldn't sing like Beyoncé,

or dance like Beyoncé, or act like Beyoncé,

or be a decent human being like Beyoncé,

the little hobbit was looked up to and loved just like Beyoncé.

Soon she had money and adoration and a hip-hop Beyoncé who loved her very much.

I'm sorry, hold up.

Hold up, I'm sorry.

Everything was good for the hobbit,

but then this mean hobbit called the Jelly Monster.

She was so jelly at her hobbit that she told everyone...

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I've been jealous.

That's okay. I'll make sure I don't blow up your water.

...